Christmas was fantastic.
Santa brought a ton of presents.

My sister cooked a fabulous meal.
My mother told us stories about magic instruments and Anna and I put on plays for the family and received standing ovations.

After 10 years of not spending Christmas with my family, I missed what had becomed the “usual Christmas” but as soon as my mom and my sister started singing/screaming christmas songs mixing the verses as they have always done, I couldn’t help to join in.

Oh, dear internets. 2008 has kicked my butt. I’m tired.

Yesterday, a great storm hit Barcelona.
Nate and I were at port.
Ocean water blinded us while rain soaked our everything and the 40 mph wind bent our umbrellas to the point we had to let them go, afraid they would drag us into sea.
We ran as fast as we could; as fast as the wind allowed us to.
Soaked, freezing and exhausted, we entered the subway tunnels.
As we recovered and dried our glasses, we heard an old man playing the saxophone.
Nate looked at me, pulled me towards him and started dancing.
I started giggling.
He made me dance.
I protested for the first 10 feet and then I realized that was probably the most romantic moment of my life.
As we got near the old man, we both emptied our pockets of coins on top of his sax case and continued dancing.
When we arrived home, we hurried out of our wet clothes and drank the hot broth my mother had prepared for us.
Today we learned the storm killed 3 people, one of them right where we were.

I don´t know why I tell you this. Maybe because last night was the perfect reflection of what 2008 was for me: For a while there, I didn’t think I was gonna make it.

I´m glad I ended up alive and drinking chicken broth under my mother’s blankets.

Being alive has advantages like being able to perform crazy plays with your niece or buy the 2009 Barcelona’s firemen calendar for your mother’s friends.

Nate said I bought the calendar from the fireman as if I were dealing with drugs instead of a charity calendar. He’s right.
I’m learning to handle happiness again and peeking out of the black hole I’ve been in is the scariest thing I’ve ever done.

2009 is coming. I’m not wishing for anything.

“Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart, and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language.”
- R. M. Rilke

If I could look at my unresolved issues and see gigantic doors or beautiful books, loving them would be easier, but this is what they look like:

I’m trying my best to love them but…
The wise women in my life keep whispering patience in my ear.
Ugh.

This is my family.

Actually…
This is my family.

“You see, that’s one of the great things about getting involved with someone from another country. You can’t take it personally. What’s really terrific is that when we act in ways which might objectively seem asshole-ish or, incredibly annoying, they don’t get upset at all. They don’t take it personally. They just assume it’s some national characteristic.”
-Barcelona

Nate arrives today.
I can´t wait to show him around the city.
He’ll also meet my mother, my sis and my niece.
One can only hope their kookiness passes as a national characteristic instead of a hereditary family trait…

Here´s a video of Anna in her room, performing an original musical play written by her.
The story is about lost baby bears.
The translation of the part you’ll see (the very end) goes something like this:

“I have a live one,
I found one alive,
finally.

I´m the best.
I’ve rescued a baby bear.
Please.
They should give me money.
Thank you.”
- Anna

Things I did in 2008
10. Boarded 25 airplanes
9. Slept in 12 different cities
8. Bought 5 sleeping pillows
7. Signed 1 set of divorce papers
6. Quit a great job
5. Said “Fuck you” actually meaning it
4. Moved
3. Wrote a novel
2. Hugged my mom, my sis and my niece all at once
1. Drank Dom Perignon for the first time

What I lost in 2008
10. My first husband ("Hit by a train!” That´s what I tell people.)
9. Enzo
8. My cool
7. 2 lamps
6. My idea of forever
5. Traditions
4. My safe places
3. Lunches with Yaiko
2. The best neighbors ever
1. Sifa

What I found in 2008
10. Shakespeare action figures
9. New cooking recipes
8. A way out of hell
7. Inspiration
6. A very big turtle
5. Perfect Mac & Cheese

4. Karma
3. Something from Tiffany´s
2. Nate
1. My cool (best thing to find after you lose it)

What I learned in 2008
10. After all is said and done, I’m ok with “I’m a survivor” being my song.
9. When you’re naive, the unthinkable happens all the time.
8. “It goes like this: the minor fall, the major lift” -L. Cohen
7. Some debts can only be repaid by the life you lead from then on.
6. All stories are short stories.
5. Something is wrong with the tone of my voice. I sound upset. Always.
4. Nothing feels better than the morning sun.
3. You don´t always have to flee or fight. Some perceived dangers aren´t real.
2. Creativity finds its way within places I never considered.
1. I’m unbelievably lucky.

Review of Goals for 2008
10. Personalize and decorate my house. (Ended up selling it but it was looking great.)
9. Keep blogging. (Done!)
8. Read the books for my bookclubs. (Got bored with it)
7. Focus more on family. (It´s ok to laugh at this one.)
6. Exercise more. (Eh.)
5. Manage my time better. (Done!)
4. Accomplish all my work goals. (Quit my job instead…)
3. Cook more. (Done!)
2. Be more thoughtful.(Still working on this one)
1. Decide if I want to have a child. (Still working on this one, too.)

Goals for 2009
10. To keep working on the novel until it looks and sounds decent enough to be seen in public
9. Keep blogging
8. Acquire gainful employment
7. Buy a car
6. Take better notes
5. Do yoga
4. Buy a house
3. Work on the tone of my voice
2. Wear heels more often
1. To get along with Squeak (the demented cat I live with)